Return home Beloved

I just finished reading the book of Hosea. It has been on my heart all day, but I was avoiding reading it...it's not one of those 'happy books' that makes you want to get up and "change your world!" (Thank you Dr. Rutland) It's sobering. It makes you take a good and hard look at yourself. It is a book that will rip your heart up at the heartbreak of God because of the infidelity of His beloved people. Constantly throughout Hosea God is calling His people back to Himself, but they refuse, forgetting all God has done for them and following after their own desires.

God is not rebuking those who do not know Him in Hosea. He is speaking to HIS people - His children who have turned their backs on Him. He rebuked them for their religious acts and said "I don't want this! I don't want your sacrifices, I want you. I want you to know Me." It's our sin and religious attitudes that keep us from knowing Him.

How often do we go to church on Sunday mornings or read our Bibles out of duty...and then go on living our own lives according to our own desires. Behaving and carrying on in ways that clearly do not bring honor to God, but "everyone else does it," so we do too. Or, its as a friend of mine blogged about today, "just a little thing - it's not a big deal." Lets live above that. We have been set apart for so much more.

After God speaks about the punishment the Israelites will have to go through because of there sin and disobedience, He is constant about wanting to bring Israel back into His arms and heal them.

We serve such an amazing God. Let us live lives that show our gratefulness...we don't deserve the love He showers on us, but He still gives it and takes such great pleasure in doing so.

A Spoon Full of Sugar....

When I was younger I was incapable of swallowing pills. I could not do it. There was one instance when the Doctor prescribed me some medicine that came in the form of a pill. Try as I might, I could not swallow it. The taste of it was awful. It was one of those powder pills that you tasted immediately when it landed on your tongue. So, we finally came up with a solution. We smashed the pill and put it with a spoon full of sugar. Mary Poppins is a genius. I never had a problem getting my medicine down after that. I'm thankful to be able to say that today, I am able to swallow pills. :o) No need for that spoon full of sugar any longer.

Discipline is kind of like bad tasting medicine. It is necessary for our health, but oh how awful it tastes as you swallow hard, eyes watering, with a sigh of relief once it is over. For the first few times I finally learned to swallow a pill it was the same. Moments of great concentration and effort took place as I disciplined myself to just-do-it. Relief from the pounding headache, or soar throat that plagued me at the moment would be worth the struggle I was facing at the present.

There is a point we come to in our lives, when we have to swallow the pill of discipline if we are going to accomplish what God has put in us to walk out in our life. I am convinced, to succeed in life, in any area, discipline must be a practice.

When you first begin to apply yourself to a disciplined lifestyle, it - is - painful. It isn't easy and really it isn't fun. This summer the Lord spoke strongly to me about being more disciplined in some specific areas of my life. When He spoke to me I had little understanding of what I was in for. There have been many days when I have had to swallow hard, while my eyes are watering and my flesh dying. Interesting fact though. The more you do it, the easier it gets. It becomes a habit that is almost natural and so very rewarding.

The best part though, is the growth that has come as a result. I'm still having to die daily to things in my flesh. I will until my Savior returns. Until that time though, I am experiencing a more fulfilling life because of the discipline He instructed to make a part of my life.

Don't you think Jesus had to have had discipline in His life before He got to the Garden of Gethsemane? Before He got to the very thing He came to this earth for. Think about it. He could have called down angels to pull Him out of the Garden before He went to the cross. That takes incredible discipline, knowing what kind of death He would die and still going through with it because He believed you were worth it. Believing that still called for immense discipline.

Whatever God has called you to will require discipline on your part. Too many are living according to what their flesh wants rather than causing it to come under the authority of the Holy Spirit. You may be "anointed" and "called", but until you have the character to carry it, you're not ready to walk in it.

1 Corinthians 9:25-27

"All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified."

Metamorphosis

On my way back to the States with Costa Rica on my mind and all that God did in my life. No matter how often it happens that God puts people in my path to speak a word in season, it never ceases to create a sense of awe in me for how big my God is. I can’t tell you how often it happened to me in Costa Rica.

Yesterday I was in the middle of figuring out my flight information, getting ready to leave when one of my friends came up to me and was showing me a cocoon of a soon-to-be butterfly. It had been knocked off the plant it was hanging from. My friend was trying to find a place to put it so it wouldn’t die. You could see the little cocoon moving back and forth as if it was about to break out. It was amazing, honestly. It’s one of those processes in nature you hear about but don’t often, if ever, see with your own eyes.
He went on to explain the process of the butterfly breaking free from the cocoon. The butterfly must struggle on its own, exercising its strength, pressing through the tension and difficulty of that period of growth. Once it has broken free, the butterfly has the strength to fly. If someone tries to help the butterfly get out, the butterfly will die because it doesn’t have the strength to live. The growth process was cut short. The butterfly wasn’t prepared for the next season of what life would look like.

As he spoke, I knew God was speaking to me. There are seasons you go through in which a great amount of growth happens. Moving from one phase of life to the next. The next phase will require a greater amount of maturity, strength, discernment, wisdom, intimacy with God. This requires discipline. Discipline to stick it out when you are wrestling with life, with God, with yourself. God requires growth – always. The wonderful thing about this is He is the only one who can help us through this season of growth. He is the one who created the butterfly and gives it it’s ability to break free from the cocoon. God made you and has given you the grace and strength to walk through every season of life, preparing you for the next.

Don't quit. Don't cut the season short.

The struggle is not a bad thing. It’s good. Keep your eyes on Christ. Resistance creates strength.

Wrestle. Struggle. Grow.

And then…break free into your destiny with the strength, maturity, and discernment God gives you.

When an orphan becomes a daughter...

The title of this blog was something I read this morning in someone else's blog. They were talking about an experience they had seeing a friend adopting a baby into their family. When the nanny who had cared for this once neglected and forgotten child was received into her new parent's arms, their was an exchange of life as an orphan to a now beloved daughter.

Tears streamed down my face unexpectedly as I read those words.

This morning as I sat down to spend time with the Lord, I heard Him say, "I want you to read about adoption stories this morning." I went to a source I haven't looked at for awhile, the blogs Steven Curtis Chapman and his family keep. I used to follow them closely for a long time because of their hearts for adoption but hadn't in awhile. After reading this one I continued to search the website. Blog after blog I read and wept as these stories made the scriptures about God adopting us into His family become more real to me.

As I have been reading through the New Testament recently, adoption constantly comes up. I have always wondered if it is hard for parents to love adopted children the same as their naturally born. After reading the different stories I am convinced when those children are welcomed into healthy and whole families, there is no difference...the love is the same.

Adoption is an expensive and sacrificial process. The older children get, the harder it is for them to be adopted because of the issues they can sometimes bring with them emotionally, physically etc. A lot of time, love and energy goes in to raising up children, but especially in these situations because ways of thinking and behaviors have to be reversed and re-taught.

As I began to think about this and the scriptures that constantly talk about how God longs to bring us into His family I just sat in my chair and wept. Despite all our challenging attitudes and learned ways because of how life has been - He is still longing to adopt us into His family. His patience and love are never-ending in reshaping our thinking and transforming our hearts and lives. He sacrificed so much to adopt us into His family. He made a way for us to be His children, with every privilege and promise that comes with that.

As I sat and wept I couldn't even formulate words of thankfulness as the revelation of this great love went to an even greater depth in my heart.


Romans 5:8 "But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners."

Ephesians 1:5-6 "God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure."

While we were in sin...that's when He made a great sacrifice to bring us to Him. How many people open up wide their arms to embrace you when you are steeped in the ugliness of your flesh?

I know Someone...He's waiting to embrace you and transform your life.

Unexpected blessings

I am learning that sometimes I'm not good at change. Today is one of those days...
I had to leave the Abraham Project to start school at UCR (University of Costa Rica). I knew this was going to be part of my summer but I was not ready for how dear the Abraham project would become to me. The last few days with the ninos has been amazing. Honestly the whole time I've been at the project has been great but you know when you get past the "getting to know you"-ish stage? Well, with the kids, four weeks is definitely long enough to get attached to the point that I was already talking about how to adopt one at dinner last week with Mallory. My relationship with them was to the point of excited greetings and bear hugs whenever I saw them.

It's funny how God works. I honestly love it - though sometimes I'm just like "really?" I can't express how much He has taught me through these beautiful children. I look at them and think of the Scriptures that speak of our adoption as His children. What a display the Abraham Project is of that....though these kids are not "adopted" into a family yet....how they are cared for and loved here is truly a testimony of how God receives us.

I remember the first day five of the orphans arrived to AP. It was only maybe my first week here in Costa Rica. Witnessing that event was amazing. To my knowledge, majority if not all of the orphans cared for at the AP come from abusive and volatile backgrounds. To think of where these beautiful children, so very young, had come from and the way in which they were received opened my eyes so much wider to how God receives us.

Before they even arrived, everyone was making preparations and the excitement was building as we waited for them. New items had already been bought to replace their things, which were in such poor condition they were only suitable for the trash. The children were cleaned up, received haircuts and played like all children should be able to do - safely, surrounded by love.

Last night I was helping put children to bed. One of those babies was one of these five I just mentioned. He is absolutely adorable. As I laid him in his crib, the house parent told me I could pray over him if I wanted. They always pray with the kids before they go to sleep. As the house parent walked out of the room to round up the rest of the kids, I stood their in the moonlit room and just gazed at this child. I cupped my hand on the side of his face and he just rested in it. As I prayed over him my heart swelled with love.

I'm so thankful for places like the Abraham Project that display the love of God, the Father's love, so potently in the simple everyday way of life.

I can honestly say my life has been changed in an incredible way because of my time at the Abraham Project...and this is just a glimpse.

I was just coming to Costa Rica to get credits for my Spanish minor at ORU...my life has been deeply changed and I still have a month and a half to go.

I love how He directs my steps.

Safe in My Father's Arms

It’s amazing the lengths God will go to draw a person to Himself. It is amazing the lengths He will go to heal and restore.

On my way here, I kept thinking “I am going to Costa Rica for 2 ½ months. What am I getting myself into?” I was excited and in disbelief it was actually happening. This is my second time in this country and I remember the first time I came the work that God did in my heart. A trip I cannot forget because it was in that time that God began to break the barriers I had put up in my life to keep the world out. A prisoner of my own brokenness. Yet He saw something in me and wouldn’t let me stay in that place.

Now I’m back. I’m back on my own, without a missionary team or organization. I simply came back to serve at an orphanage and study Spanish. I have only been here three weeks and already I am a different person than when I came.

Being in a home without internet connection has a way of making you less distracted with plenty of quiet time. Plenty of time for reflection and conversation with the Lord...

I have a beautiful Tico family I adore and spend time with until we exhaust all forms of communication. There is an upstairs porch outside my room. It's covered so when it rains I can still sit out here and overlook the beauty of the landscape. The mountains are in my backyard and I can see the clouds come down when it rains. It really is beautiful. It’s a rainy morning today and I have a cup of Costa Rican coffee that my tica momma brews for me. (She already knows me so well.) These are simple little things...but these little things draw me to my Father’s heart. When I think about how big of a God He is and how much He delights in wooing us...it really is amazing.

A little coffee and a quiet porch. It's where I have been meeting with Him since I arrived in this beautiful country. It's where I get to steal away by myself and just talk to Him. I know He is with me all day long - but I love the moments when its just Him and me.

I encourage you, put away the distractions.

Sit with Him.

Read His Word.

You don’t even know how much He longs to be with you. You are the subject of His adoration – one that He deeply delights in.

The distractions are keeping you from hearing it.

Draw close Beloved.

He’s waiting for you.

Changing Seasons

I love that God has a sense of humor. I love even more that He speaks to me anywhere I am about anything...just to teach me. Favorite time of my day is when God starts teaching me or speaking to me about something randomly. I feel like a giddy little girl.

Last night I was on my way to get chips, salsa and queso for my group members I was working with on a project. I was in a hoodie, jeans and sandals. It was in the 70's last night. I have a hard time changing from hoodies to t-shirts when summer and spring begin to roll in. Sandals? Not a problem. I love sandals.

God began to speak to me in my car about seasons and changing with them when they come. Sometimes we get so comfortable in the season we are in that we won't move on when God says its time to move on. I like being snuggly in my hoodie with a hot cup'a somethin in my hands. Where I'm from though, that is only for a season. When the weather starts to change, if you don't, you limit yourself. You can't enjoy the beauty of the next season because you are sweating it out in your hoodie and jeans.

In my short life so far on this earth and in following Christ, I have found that He does not allow you to get comfortable. As soon as you think you're good He says "Okay, now I want that. That thing that you have gotten comfortable with because I have something more. If you give it to me, I have a new season for you to walk in to. I even have the right clothes for you to wear and the provision you need to fully benefit in this next time."

Not every season we move into is easy or comfortable. Usually its neither one of those things. Here's the thing though, when you move into that season because it is GOD'S timing, there is a supernatural grace for you to walk through whatever comes your way. I promise you, you will grow no matter what that season brings if you keep your eyes on Jesus and hand over the hoodie. If you keep that hoodie on in 90 degree weather, it becomes a heavy, sweaty mess that makes you feel nasty. Don't hold on to things when their season is up.

The flowers are blooming and destiny awaits if you hand over your winter clothes to a Father who has so much more for you to walk in.


Ecclesiastes 3:1,11
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens...He has made everything beautiful in its time."

ORU Real Conference

I lift my hands and praise You

Acts 16:16-40
For the sake of you not becoming overwhelmed by the length of this scripture being inserted into this blog I'm going to summarize this passage. Paul and Silas are doing Kingdom business and spreading the Gospel. There is this demon possessed girl who is just following them around and basically getting on Paul's nerves. She hits his last nerve and he casts the demon out of her. I'd say that would be a good day for her, but it definitely wasn't for this girl's masters who were making a fortune off of her. When she was possessed she was doing some fortune-telling and making bank for them. Paul messes that all up for the dude when he casts the demon out of her. Long story short Paul and Silas get thrown in jail for this. Didn't see that one coming.

I'm sure Paul didn't think this would send him to the inner dungeon, badly beaten and chained to the wall with his feet in stocks. Not only Paul, but Silas was with him and received the same beatings and treatment. Silas could have been like "Dude seriously? Did you really have to do that?" But he didn't. He understood why they were there; sharing in the sufferings of Christ for which they had given their lives.

Think about it. All Paul did was cast a demon out. That's a pretty big deal, but getting beaten for it? I mean he was just doing Kingdom business right? Setting things straight and putting the enemy in his place by the authority of Christ that Paul lived under. Does it surprise you that this happened? It shouldn't. We were told that we would experience persecutions in this life. Don't get discouraged though because the story doesn't end there.

In that moment of being in the inner dungeon, badly beaten, chained to the wall...probably feeling absolutely miserable...it was the perfect opportunity to complain and whine. It was the perfect moment for Silas to give Paul the silent treatment for getting them in such a predicament. Just imagine being another prisoner in that dungeon in some dark corner. You are miserable yourself and you just heard that the Apostle Paul and Silas were thrown into the cell next to you. You wait, listening to see what they say because you know they call themselves disciples of Christ. "Hmph...see what they do now. Look what following Jesus got them into." All of a sudden you hear singing. Are you losing your mind? Nope. It's them. Paul and Silas are singing songs of love and adoration to their God and praying to Him.

Verse 25 says that while Paul and Silas were singing and praying, the other prisoners were listening. When you are going through difficult things in life - whatever that may be or look like....remember people are watching and listening to how you react. You have declared yourself a follower of Jesus Christ. A child of God. How will you respond? How you respond does not only affect you, but those who are waiting and watching. But wait! We haven't gotten to the best part yet....

The next thing the scriptures say that happened was that there was a great earthquake. All the doors immediately flew open and the chains of every prisoner fell off! Oh - my - goodness. Did you just see that?! Please - go back and read it again!! Because of their decision to worship God in the midst of that trial that was completely unexpected, the doors that were once tightly shut FLEW OPEN and the chains that not only bound Paul and Silas but the other prisoners FELL OFF. Everyone.

Do you realize the power of your testimony in how you live your life? People are watching. They are listening. How are you portraying your God. Because of how Paul and Silas responded, others were freed of what once bound them. The doors that they could not have opened on their own, flew open. Not only were the prisoners freed but the guard who bound them came to know Christ. The man who could have been considered their enemy just moments before, came to know Christ along with the rest of his family.

Before you become overwhelmed, disillusioned or broken over circumstances in life, remember Who your God is. He's there. Closer than you may realize. He's ready to set you free; ready to free those around you through your testimony.

Let Him put a new song in your heart.

Psalm 34 (MSG)

 I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise.

 I live and breathe God;
   if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy:

 Join me in spreading the news;
   together let's get the word out.

 God met me more than halfway,
   he freed me from my anxious fears.

 Look at him; give him your warmest smile.
   Never hide your feelings from him.

 When I was desperate, I called out,
   and God got me out of a tight spot.

 God's angel sets up a circle
   of protection around us while we pray.

 Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
         how good God is.
   Blessed are you who run to him.

  Worship God if you want the best;
   worship opens doors to all his goodness.

Focus

Recently I have been having a difficult time keeping my focus where it needs to be. The most frustrating part has been in worship services, because that is one of my favorite times of the week, to worship corporately. During the service I prayed for the Lord to remove all distractions and help me to enter into His presence. A couple nights ago I was in a prayer service and the Lord said, if you haven't been in My presence in private, how can you do so in public? That was my cue to leave and be with Him alone. It has been difficult to get away to that secret place with Him recently because of the load of homework and responsibilities. Honestly though, it should never matter how much I have to do because He always must be my priority. If I go without sleep for a certain period of time I will not be able to operate. If I go without time with Him, the very One who gives me reason to breathe and live, Who gives me the strength and wisdom for each day, will not be my focus. He will be unable to operate in my life because I am not allowing Him what He is due. I am the one who suffers greatly for that.
This morning He spoke to me that if my focus was not on Him during my day, it would not be on Him during the corporate worship and prayer times. What I do throughout my day, I bring into the time of worship and prayer.

It's time to re-organize priorities.

I don't make time for my Father, I make time for everything else to fit around Him.

"My soul yearns for You in the night; in the morning my spirit longs for You." 
Isaiah 26:9

Peace that Passes Understanding

There are cliche phrases or certain scriptures that you have heard over and over growing up. It may have been in a song you learned in Sunday School or Nursery. Maybe it was in youth group a phrase the Pastor always said, but the meaning of it never really sunk in.

There was a song that I sung in Sunday School about "there's a peace that passing understanding, down in my heart, down in my heart, down in my heart." I can remember a specific Sunday we sang it with actions and everything. I loved it. I sang as loud as my little voice could go with all the joy in my heart rising up. Until later in my life though, did I really, truly, understand a peace that passes understanding.

We will walk through trials and struggles that life brings, and yet somehow, His peace will be there. I remember one time in particularly in which I had to make a decision; a big decision. In the natural it didn't look like a good idea and I was wanting to stay in my comfort zone. I cried out to God for wisdom to know what to do. I have found over and over that He will often lead by His peace. In that moment of crying out to Him, a peace that surpassed all understanding came over me. Somehow I could feel His presence so tangible, if I hadn't known better, I would have thought I could reach out and grab it. It was like I was wearing it like a garment. Understand, it is often not this tangible when I am led by the peace of God, but like I said, this was a big decision that I had to have confirmation on because of the confusion going on all around me.

In moments where confusion surrounds; the ache in your heart is louder than any other voice; your tears blind you to be able to see correctly; your heart is racing because you are stressed from all the pressures of work, stress or just life...beloved there is peace. A peace that passes all understanding, and it can only come from the Father.

Today I had one of those days of feeling overwhelmed. My chest hurt because of being so exhausted and overwhelmed. I was thinking about all that needed to be done and trying to make the most of every minute. It was an incredibly gorgeous day out today. One of those days that is perfect for a walk with the Lord. After reading for several hours, I decided I needed to get away and just be in His presence. I put my book down, despite my mind saying that I needed to keep working and reading. I went outside trying to put my mind to rest and just focus on Him.

As I walked I asked Him what was on His heart, what He had to say or share with me. All I heard was "Rest Bethany. Just rest." So I slowed my pace, walked through the prayer gardens and was quiet. The pressure in my chest left, and the sweetness of His presence came. I saw the campus in a new light. It was so beautiful and I became overwhelmed with gratitude to have the privilege and opportunity to study at such an amazing university. Memories of the last four years washed over my mind and I sat in awe of Him...so grateful. Grateful for my professors, my friends, my studies, saga - yes, saga. Everything. Being in His presence causes new and fresh perspective.

Get away with Him beloved. Let His peace that passes understanding wash over you.

Receive new and fresh perspective.

Rest your heart.

Psalm 33

When Hope is Deferred

You know those times when you are in a season of waiting...I sometimes feel like that is just life. The changing of seasons changes what exactly one is in anticipation of. Those seasons of waiting can be difficult, especially when hope is deferred, sometimes over and over.

Maybe God has promised something to you in the quiet of your heart, in that secret place when it was just you and Him. Those precious moments...your heart is stirred and you feel the quiet whisper of the One Who's love for you could never be deterred. He's so close, there is almost a sweetness to the very air around you. His tender love penetrates your heart once again as you wait on what He has to say in that moment. The words He speaks cause everything in your day today, yesterday and tomorrows melt into the background. Who would have thought the very Creator Who shaped every living being, painting the beauty that hems the earth together, would have shaped your very being and marked the steps out for your life so intricately...not only that but He longs to meet with you in the quiet place. He tells you to ask Him of "great and unsearchable things that you do not know." And when He shares those things - because He is faithful to His Word...then comes a season of waiting, for the dreams and visions of tomorrow that He has whispered into your heart. They are sure to come - but they are for a time and a season. As you wait, hope of walking in that dream can be deferred, because He is waiting to unfold it at - just - the right - time. So what do you do when impatience comes? When your heart aches? Maybe tears? Maybe frustration? Because as humans - we all know it can be difficult to wait when something so amazing has been spoken of, but we don't know when it is for.

Here are scriptures that bring me comfort...

Psalms 27:13-14 (NLT)
 "Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."


Psalms 32:14
"But I am trusting you, O Lord. saying, 'You are my God! My future is in Your hands.'"

During seasons of waiting - learn to trust Him through surrender. Draw close, seek to know Him more and what He is teaching you in this time. Worship Him. You will see His goodness in your life.
Next to these scriptures in my Bible I have written, "Anything that isn't worth waiting for, isn't worthy having."

He has your best in mind.

Trust.

Surrender.

Purification

In my favorite place. Late into the night, house is quiet, everyone is asleep, by the fireplace, with my Jesus. My bed beckons me but my heart is drawn to sit at His feet. Where would I be without Him?

This morning after getting ready, I had a little time before work so I stopped by Starbucks to get a coffee and read. I think for the first time in my life I was moved by the fact that I had my own copy of the Bible to carry with me and read at any time. Thoughts of how there are still those today in the world that cannot have their own Bible because of the persecution of Christianity or just not available for whatever reason.

Sometimes I feel like a five year old because of all my questions I daily ask God - My life has become a passionate quest of searching and seeking truth and holiness in His Word...in knowing Him. And I think again - what a comfort He has brought to my heart through His Word. I'm so thankful for the Holy Spirit who guides and directs me through the Scriptures.

Purification has been the theme of my life this last year, and especially in the last couple months. Some people say "be careful how you pray, because if you pray for patience, there will be trials." I've prayed for purity. A desperate prayer for purity. I have chosen wrong roads in life that took me away from Him and I don't want that - I don't want the brokenness it brings. I want to be whole. I want to show others how to experience the freedom and fulfillment that only Christ can bring.

I have found that the prayer for purity is one of the most "dangerous prayers" - the transformational process that comes as the answer to that plea is painful. There are days when I feel absolutely ugly as I see my faults, wrong attitudes and many short-comings. Its disgusting. The thing that keeps my crying out for this purification is His mercy and love that overwhelms my ugliness. His love is what changes me. His forgiveness is what keeps drawing me back to Him, knowing despite how ugly I was, there's a place for me in His arms.

The more I find my place in His arms, the more my life is transformed. The more I am transformed, the more I long for Him. I can't imagine life without Him. My life is not my own and for the rest of my life I expect this purification process to go on. I'm thankful He's patient, because I need Him.