The last two weeks of life have held many dynamics. These last few evenings after returning to my room for work, I would just sit. How do you process it all? About two weeks ago I graduated ORU. That event was emotional for me not because of what I had accomplished in my school work, not because friends would be moving to different places or even over the excitement of the future. It was emotional because of the transformation God did in my heart over the last 5 years. Truly a miracle work. It was one of those, "If not for His grace..." moments.
About a week ago I watched a couple different friends get married. There is something so beautiful about two lives being joined as one. The potential held in this joining together is far beyond what is even realized at the altar. The promise of progeny that will be born out of love, a legacy left to them to dream their own dreams and "conquer" the world...teaching the next generation how to love mercy, do justice and walk humbly with their God...
Then Saturday morning, I woke up. It was the day of my birthday. The day you celebrate the life God gave you. The day you look back over the years and ruminate God's faithfulness. After being awake for a few minutes I did something I don't usually do immediately. I flipped open my computer and read about the death of four friends. I slowly closed the lid as shock began to set in. My parents were just opening my door to bring me my birthday starbucks drink, just as I had requested.
I will be honest. I have never been good with processing this dynamic of life. I don't know what to do with the roller-coaster of emotions going on inside. One minute I can be laughing with someone and in the next tears are heavily streaming down my cheeks with little to no ability to restrain them. I don't know what to say. All I can do is pray. My heartache has not simply been because of losing a friend, I am broken for the fiance who lost her future husband. I am broken for the family that lost a brother, son, grandson, nephew, uncle....so suddenly and so tragically. I am broken because we have lost someone who passionately pursued the Kingdom while he lived on this earth - spreading the Gospel. The only reason for which we are to live.
Dr. Rutland masterfully described the transition today from earth into Heaven. He said that Garrett and the others simply changed clothes as they moved into eternity. He gave his life and entered into the glory for which He lived.
(Written May 2012)
